Lately, my anxiety levels have lessened. Since accepting that I’m suffering from either postnatal depression or anxiety or both since the birth of D – or if I’m honest a little before that – I’ve uncovered a few coping mechanisms that have truly helped. One being, baby wearing. I have recently been using an AmaWrap baby sling and I didn’t realise, but baby wearing has been pivotal in helping me cope with anxiety. Let me tell you how.
It’s taken me until motherhood to realise how important certain friendships are. I can count my friends on my two hands and still have a few fingers left over. But that doesn’t matter. I don’t need a dozen friends around me, I need the ones I have. The ones who matter and the ones I know will always be there. No matter what kind of shit happens in my life, no matter what temporary distance comes between us, no matter how quickly life takes over. There’s still always a place in my life for the friends that matter.
When I started writing Over Heaven’s Hill over a year ago, my aim was to write about how parenthood changed me. Changed my personality, my outlook on life, and my ordinary routines. Over the year, my focus has changed a little and I now write, more freely, about the difficult days, the hardships and the worries we all seem to have when it comes to parenting and how the changes that have occurred in my life are not always welcome. Of course, I write about the good days too, but being honest about how drastic life changes when adding children to the mix is important for me. And hopefully you appreciate my honesty.
When D was born we were very conscious that A might feel a bit left out with the new arrival receiving half of her attention from visitors and so many gifts. A has been amazing, welcoming her little sister with literally open arms. But I knew it would break my heart if I heard her ask, “Is it for me?, if a relative brought a present into the house for the baby. So, B and I set about having a few gifts on standby for her over those first few weeks of bringing D home. The highlight of these gifts was sent to us through the blog however – an Autumn Leaves Lottie Doll and accessory set. Read more to find out what is so special about this doll and enter the giveaway below for your very own Lottie Doll.
Six weeks in to having two children and the pressure of being officially outnumbered has caught up. In one way, being pulled from either side by a toddler who has become increasingly clingy and won’t leave me out of her sight, and a newborn who will cry incessantly until her needs are met, has meant my body and brain has struggled to keep up.
I’ve been blogging somewhat sporadically the last few weeks. Gone is my focus, my routine and my schedule. It’s less to do with the fact that we have a five week old baby and more to do with that fact that a little over two weeks ago I accepted the fact that I was suffering from either anxiety or Postnatal Depression. D was only two weeks old and it had hit me hard. In the beginning I questioned whether it was the baby blues as the pregnancy hormones began to leave my body and sent me into a spiral. But now that I am five weeks postpartum and I’m still experiencing the painful pang of what feels like depression mixed with anxiety and confusion, I realise that I need help. I was nervous about publishing this post because it’s incredibly personal, probably the most personal I’ve written on the blog as it leaves me somewhat vulnerable, but if even one person relates to this post and realises that they too are suffering which then leads them to get help, then this post has been worth publishing.
You may remember that during my pregnancy, I struggled with pains, hormones and fears. For the second time in my life, I was hating the experience and willing it to be over. Throughout the nine months, I failed to bond with the bump. I rarely thought about what Little Bean would be like and how well she would fit into our small family. I couldn’t or rather didn’t imagine what she would look like, smell like, feel like. I didn’t have the time to focus on the fact that I was growing a human being. I had a three year old running around me and she kept me well occupied. Things changed in the first hour that Little Bean was born.
Today is our 11th Wedding Anniversary. This day eleven years ago, I married my best friend and the only man I have ever been in love with. I know for a fact, that I will always love him more than I love our children. Some may find this remark scathing, unloving and possibly cruel to say. But think about it – can you honestly say that you love your children the same or more than your partner? I’ve always known that my love for B is stronger, closer and more powerful than my love as a mother to our children. And I’m not ashamed or shy to admit it.
I’ve always thought that naming your baby was one of the biggest privileges of having a child. Lets face it, you mess that up and your journey into parenthood hasn’t exactly gotten off to a good start! I’ve researched my fair share of baby names simply because I love finding out the meaning of a name. I remember the day, way, way back in 2001, B and I had first started dating and I discovered that my name means “spear ruler” and B’s name means “spear”. I literally rule over him… hah. Clearly we were meant to be together. When it came to us choosing our baby girls names, we stepped outside the box a little. I realise I don’t use their names on the blog and I’ve never explained why.
I missed it, after an entire year of trawling through emotions, stories and ideas about parenting, I missed my One Year Blog Anniversary. I had a pretty good reason though – our newly born baby has been nestled in my arms for the past week and I’ve been revelling in baby cuddles as much as I can with a three year old running around me also looking for attention. Needless to say, I’ve been a little preoccupied and the blog has taken a major backseat. But I can’t let this week go out without recognising what I think is a major achievement in my writing career. Over Heaven’s Hill has been on the go for an entire year. I posted my very first post about “Becoming Momma Bear” on the 30th May, 2016. I’ve been a blogger for a whole year now. It’s zipped past so damn quick and been a bit of a rollercoaster as I’ve shared my experiences with you all. I’ve loved every minute and I can’t see Over Heaven’s Hill stopping any time soon.