I’m a mother two and a half years now and I think…. I think, I can finally say I’ve gotten used to this parenting lark. My husband of ten years, B, and I are lucky to be the ridiculously proud parents of a daughter who amazes and surprises us every day. A little girl who got us through some interestingly tough years and helped us power through to where we are in life now. Watching her grow and learn and laugh (my god that infectious laugh), has taught us so much about ourselves as people and parents.
She was born in 2013 but the idea of her manifested in 2011 when the dreaded discussions about starting a family began. We were on two different pages, had different ideas about where life was going to take us. We were happily married but terribly unhappy in our house and needed to move but the recession and negative equity kept us stuck. The decision to wait until we moved to start a family felt like a crutch.
So we didn’t wait. And turns out the timing was pretty damn good. Albeit hard.
But of course I had great intentionsnfor the type of mother I would be.
Did I say mother? I meant Wonder Woman.
Yeah, I thought I was going to have it all together, everything in order, everyone happy and life was going to be easy with a baby.
I was meant to continue doing this and that and everything else that I always threw into the mix as a twenty-something childless woman. And I started off well, I continued to make jewellery for my Etsy store, I started a memory book for our little girl, I wrote snippets here and there but it all started to wane.
And slowly but surely things were put on hold once our little wonder nugget wrapped her fingers around me. With great intentions I was going to – go back and do my Masters, finish those two half written novels, have my stories and poetry published everywhere and anywhere, trump up my Etsy store, take up jogging, have the fridge full every week.
Needless to say, most, no, all of those things were put on the back burner while I got used to the idea of being a mother, a parent and having this beautiful little muchkin depend on me.
And I loved it.
I didn’t mind that my time was filled with feeding, weaning, tummy time, babble and cuddles. I didn’t care that the house was getting messy and dusty and that the cob webs around the “big light” were getting more noticeable.
The mess wouldn’t last forever. Time would move on and those little legs would start to walk, those hands would reach out and feed themselves. At two and a half years old my daughter is growing, gaining an independence I never knew toddlers had.
The transition was huge. They say it’s huge but my god it’s HUGE! And hard.
You can read a hundred and one articles and books on parenting, caring for baby, being the best Mom you can be, and it doesn’t matter. It’s still damn hard putting everything into practice. And babies are babies, not text book examples. What works for one, won’t work for another (a reason I don’t particularly like to give out parenting advice – my God the unsolicited advice can be torturous in those first few weeks when all you want is to calm and soothe your beautiful bundle).
But it all works out.
Things get easier.
But first things have to be hard. I’m young, thirty odd, but I’ve lived and I’ve tried and done things that I’ve said in the past were hard. But nothing compares to the change in your life as having a child. Its amazing, its incredible but it can be lonely, difficult, tiring, no exhausting, and it can be hard. We just have to be prepared, to know that life won’t always be perfect, but we can get damn close.
And all the cliche’s are right and we’ve said them all.
So, she’s the reason I’ve dug out the laptop and started writing again.She’s the reason for a million and one things I now do and I believe she’ll always be the reason.
The now is good, and its good because I’ve realised how much the beginning has influenced me as a person, and made me the strong mother I feel I am.
I think, I can finally say I’ve gotten used to this parenting lark.
I’m sure life and parenting will throw me a curve ball and I’ll take that back, but I’m bound to say it again.