Found out last week I’ve been included on
The 100 Most Inspiring Women of Ireland List of 2019 as part of The Graham Norton Gin Inspiring Awards 2019. Pretty chuffed. Its always nice to be recognised for your work especially when you freelance and don’t have a boss to thank you, congratulate you or praise you for your work.
Since quitting my job in January 2018 (I was a medical librarian in the Rotunda Hospital for ten years) I’ve fought and pushed to make a name for myself as a writer, journalist and an honest voice. I’ve had two publishers interested in a book deal, both falling at the last hurdle despite countless hours of proving myself. I’ve had editors love my work, my ideas, my style, only to have no budget or spot for me “at this time”. I’ve had trolls, bad comments, rejections and weeks at a time of no work.
My confidence has been lacking somewhat lately.
I’ve somehow managed to put myself on a scale and dropped myself down a few pegs because I’m not appreciating my value.
I’ve hid as a result. But that scale is the inner workings of self doubt and not reality. I have very few answers about how to build myself back up when this happens. It sort of disappears. With the start of the new school year and work kicking up a level or two for me, I’ve decided to not wait to rebuild but rather understand and know and more importantly appreciate my value.
My problem with being included on a list such as this, to be considered inspiring no less, is that I didn’t put much weight on to to the idea. I didn’t give myself the kudos or applause. I wasnt sure it meant anything because I didnt see the value in myself. Its a significant problem when you work solo, for yourself and answer to your own dilemmas. Imposter syndrome. Self doubt. Not recognising my worth is something that dips in and out.
Listening to my brother and his unshakeable confidence, watching my sister build her empire and following other members of the Womens Inspire Network is helping me know my own worth.
I’m watching and listening to so many who inspire me.
So almost 2 years on, I’m still here. Loving my job. Loving every article published. Hoping something more will always be on the horizon. I’ve been privileged to work with the Irish Times, Irish Examiner, Mums&Tots, Easy Parenting, Everymum.ie, Family Friendly HQ, Motherdom, Indy voices, Packed.House, Zahra Media Group and more.
But this is what the work from home life looks like
Grabbing two minutes to edit a project in between requests for ice pops and drinks. Plugging your computer in beside the kitchen sink because every other counter top is taken. Regretting not having a stool to sit on. Hoping against hope the kids will be entertained for as long as you need. I’m not entirely sure this or me is inspiring.
But I love what I do with an absolute passion. Deadlines drive me. Emails thrill me. Wordcounts focus me. Working from home. Writing. Quitting my professional job. All worth it.
Still damn effing hard to strike the right balance between work and family life though and an endless stream of guilt. But if I wasnt doing this then I would be miles away wishing I was here breaking my back to get this project finished on time. And yes I am constantly looking for writing gigs, pushing myself harder, wondering how long this path will go before it becomes too steep a climb.
So thank you Inspiring.ie for including me in this exemplary list of women who are rocking the business world. Thank you for noticing me, my writing and my voice. Thank you for giving me an inner pep talk that says I am worthy of being on that list.