It’s one of the first worries most parents who are expecting number two have. It was something I often thought about but brushed it aside considering my sister has four kids and seems to manage with balancing four personalities. But lately the sting of the reality of caring for a baby alongside a four year old has crept in. The last few weeks, as I look at the curls lengthening on Little Missus’ head, I wonder if she’s losing out as Little Bean demands more attention. I truly feel outnumbered and underpowered.
Little Beans First Word – Aaarrrgghhh! Yeppers, our almost six month old has so far, in her tiny little life, made screaming her favourite pastime. From screaming at Momma Bear who looks on blankly thinking “Frick what’s this all about then?”, to Little Miss who has taken on a parental roll and chastises the little pet for shouting so loudly which of course makes her shout louder. Soon enough the baby and the four year old are having a shouting contest with a poor, worn out, desperate to escape the house, Momma who’s stuck in the middle not knowing what to do. But it’s a phase, right? She’s leaping, right? By Christmas the shouting will be cute melodic baby gurgles, right? Right? *insert worried Momma emoji!*
It’s been a while since I had a guest post on the blog. My much loved In Conversation With series was left by the wayside when life became complicated with two Littlies taking over my time. Recently, I connected with the wonderful, mum of two, Samara. She has compiled a brilliant website called Tiny Fry which sets out to help us parents with the never ending question of what to get the child who has everything. Samara was eager to share her top five realizations of how life changes with two and boy did I want to know! Funnily, enough I can relate to oh so, so much of what Samara says and I love her positivity which helps me to know I’m on the right track in dealing with postnatal anxiety! Thank you so much for sharing Samara ♡ please read on and let Samara know how having two, three or more changed your life.
What better way to celebrate feeling positive again than a new tattoo. Nope, tattoos aren’t for everyone since they’re pretty much a forever thing but my tattoos mean a lot to me. They signify a point in my life, a change, a passion, a positive mindframe. Since becoming a Stay At Home Mum just before Little Bean was born, my world changed. Drastically. But for the better. Harder. But simpler in an odd way. For a while though, I felt like I lost a part of me as I felt overwhelmed, panicked and stressed having to survive the day with two little ones, while attempting to control my home and indoctrine myself into a routine that was more alien than a pile of mashed potato. Anxiety hit. Depression slid in. I felt lost. Abandoned. Alone. And overwhelmed. But I have reclaimed so much of my life in the last month and finally feel like the tag line of this Blog is coming true. I’m finally becoming the new me … the new new me… through parenting and through understanding my place in this life.
Six weeks in to having two children and the pressure of being officially outnumbered has caught up. In one way, being pulled from either side by a toddler who has become increasingly clingy and won’t leave me out of her sight, and a newborn who will cry incessantly until her needs are met, has meant my body and brain has struggled to keep up.
You may remember that during my pregnancy, I struggled with pains, hormones and fears. For the second time in my life, I was hating the experience and willing it to be over. Throughout the nine months, I failed to bond with the bump. I rarely thought about what Little Bean would be like and how well she would fit into our small family. I couldn’t or rather didn’t imagine what she would look like, smell like, feel like. I didn’t have the time to focus on the fact that I was growing a human being. I had a three year old running around me and she kept me well occupied. Things changed in the first hour that Little Bean was born.
I’ve always thought that naming your baby was one of the biggest privileges of having a child. Lets face it, you mess that up and your journey into parenthood hasn’t exactly gotten off to a good start! I’ve researched my fair share of baby names simply because I love finding out the meaning of a name. I remember the day, way, way back in 2001, B and I had first started dating and I discovered that my name means “spear ruler” and B’s name means “spear”. I literally rule over him… hah. Clearly we were meant to be together. When it came to us choosing our baby girls names, we stepped outside the box a little. I realise I don’t use their names on the blog and I’ve never explained why.
The nine months, the incessant worrying after a four week heavy bleed and clot, the intense morning sickness, the incredible pains, the lack of sleep – was all worth it. I’ve fallen in love for the third time in my life. The first time was with B, the second with A and now with Little Bean who will now be referred to as D. Hello Little Bean, welcome to the world and to our family. We love you so much already.
Finally, I can almost say that I’m ready to bring Little Bean into the world. I have finished up some DIY that needed doing in the house, thanks to my awesome Dad. Ok, so the DIY didn’t necessarily need doing, but my head and shoulders are a lot more relaxed knowing they are done. I have my hospital bag packed!! I did it, finally, with just two weeks to go. For some reason I kept putting this one off, probably because the reality of the looming and large bump only hit last week. I have Little Bean’s clothes all washed, iron and sorted in little Ikea drawer sorter thingys and I feel so accomplished knowing where all the nappies, wipes and scented bags are. I have five sets of clothes ready for A, for when I’m in the hospital so B doesn’t have to stress about what to throw on the cute three-year old. I have action plans in place if I go into labour, and plans are in motion if all goes to schedule and I get to walk into hospital for the elective C-section. You may have gathered that I’m a planner, an organiser, I like and need to keep control of my personal situations and that of my family. The same goes for the weeks after me and Little Bean get home. For myself, for B and A and of course our new Little Bean, to settle into our new lives together I have rules and plans.
I’ve heard them say that going from zero babies to one baby is harder than going from one to two. I can understand why. Having at least one child has given you a massive amount of experience into this world of parenting. Whether you think you’re a good parent or not, whether you struggle every day with the long and arduous routine or have everything neatly organised and arranged for the week ahead, parenting is all still a mystery with learning curves every day. But adding a second child to the mix, apparently isn’t as hard as learning everything from scratch first time round. So why do I feel so damn nervous about becoming a Mum of two?