Six weeks in to having two children and the pressure of being officially outnumbered has caught up. In one way, being pulled from either side by a toddler who has become increasingly clingy and won’t leave me out of her sight, and a newborn who will cry incessantly until her needs are met, has meant my body and brain has struggled to keep up.
You may remember that during my pregnancy, I struggled with pains, hormones and fears. For the second time in my life, I was hating the experience and willing it to be over. Throughout the nine months, I failed to bond with the bump. I rarely thought about what Little Bean would be like and how well she would fit into our small family. I couldn’t or rather didn’t imagine what she would look like, smell like, feel like. I didn’t have the time to focus on the fact that I was growing a human being. I had a three year old running around me and she kept me well occupied. Things changed in the first hour that Little Bean was born.
I’ve always thought that naming your baby was one of the biggest privileges of having a child. Lets face it, you mess that up and your journey into parenthood hasn’t exactly gotten off to a good start! I’ve researched my fair share of baby names simply because I love finding out the meaning of a name. I remember the day, way, way back in 2001, B and I had first started dating and I discovered that my name means “spear ruler” and B’s name means “spear”. I literally rule over him… hah. Clearly we were meant to be together. When it came to us choosing our baby girls names, we stepped outside the box a little. I realise I don’t use their names on the blog and I’ve never explained why.
The nine months, the incessant worrying after a four week heavy bleed and clot, the intense morning sickness, the incredible pains, the lack of sleep – was all worth it. I’ve fallen in love for the third time in my life. The first time was with B, the second with A and now with Little Bean who will now be referred to as D. Hello Little Bean, welcome to the world and to our family. We love you so much already.
Finally, I can almost say that I’m ready to bring Little Bean into the world. I have finished up some DIY that needed doing in the house, thanks to my awesome Dad. Ok, so the DIY didn’t necessarily need doing, but my head and shoulders are a lot more relaxed knowing they are done. I have my hospital bag packed!! I did it, finally, with just two weeks to go. For some reason I kept putting this one off, probably because the reality of the looming and large bump only hit last week. I have Little Bean’s clothes all washed, iron and sorted in little Ikea drawer sorter thingys and I feel so accomplished knowing where all the nappies, wipes and scented bags are. I have five sets of clothes ready for A, for when I’m in the hospital so B doesn’t have to stress about what to throw on the cute three-year old. I have action plans in place if I go into labour, and plans are in motion if all goes to schedule and I get to walk into hospital for the elective C-section. You may have gathered that I’m a planner, an organiser, I like and need to keep control of my personal situations and that of my family. The same goes for the weeks after me and Little Bean get home. For myself, for B and A and of course our new Little Bean, to settle into our new lives together I have rules and plans.
I’ve heard them say that going from zero babies to one baby is harder than going from one to two. I can understand why. Having at least one child has given you a massive amount of experience into this world of parenting. Whether you think you’re a good parent or not, whether you struggle every day with the long and arduous routine or have everything neatly organised and arranged for the week ahead, parenting is all still a mystery with learning curves every day. But adding a second child to the mix, apparently isn’t as hard as learning everything from scratch first time round. So why do I feel so damn nervous about becoming a Mum of two?
When I found out that I would be scheduled for a C Section for Little Bean’s special delivery, I was quite happy. The controversary and debates regarding Cesarean Sections are pointless to me, and I will gladly say that I am chuffed to already be scheduled on the theatre list for May. It’s not a personal choice. I’m not too posh to push. There have been complications to both my pregnancy and I will not take the risk with my life or my daughter’s life for the sake of ‘experiencing’ a natural birth. So, back in December I decided that this time around, I would be mentally prepared for this C Section. Well, can you guess just how prepared I actually am?
I haven’t been a very good blogger lately for a number of reasons which I suppose I can, hopefully, be forgiven for. Firstly at 33 weeks pregnant… or is it 34? I’ve lost count!.. I’m exhausted and am finding it very difficult to stay up past 10pm most nights. Hell, 10pm! I’m doing quite well there. Secondly, I’m tired of complaining, so I imagine you’re tired of listening to me complain. Considering all I could think to write about was once again my hatred of pregnancy, I’ve refrained from writing a blog post until now. Thirdly, I was on doctors orders to relax more and give the blog a back seat, so blogging once a week has pretty much been my limit. I had intended on taking a break from writing completely this week and leave you all wondering where I was until B sent me an email that triggered a ton of emotions.
They say that when a newborn baby is on its way to a family, that older children may often regress into babyhood. Talking about the impending arrival, buying nappies and supplies and witnessing a whole new level of babyhood can be confusing for toddlers and young children, especially children who have never experienced a new baby invading their space before and don’t know what to make of all this change. We’ve noticed over the past few months, that A has started regressing in a playful manner as she alludes to being a baby again, using a soother, talking in goo-goo gaga language and wanting to be held and cuddled like a baby. It’s quite cute… once we don’t let it get to far and become an issue. So, she’s regressing a little. That’s perfectly fine since her world is about to be turned upside down, but we’ve noticed one other thing. B and I have regressed a little too.
I imagine by now most people have come across that C Section text on Facebook or Twitter or wherever you lay your social media hat. Frustrated, angry, shocked and saddened are the many reactions I’ve come across. For those of you who don’t know what the controversy is about, a text message to a soon-to-be mum has been doing the rounds and has infuriated a whole cohort of women. The text, to sum it up, says a C Section is surgery not birth. Of course, like many I have a few things to say about that.