A polite, intelligent and sobering letter to my Fricking Flamingo to please exit stage left immediately.
I’ve had quite a few people contact me about quitting my career and taking the risk of freelancing since I published the post Why I’ve Quit My Job. Some have wanted to do what I’ve done but have been too scared. Others are desperate to do the same but lack the confidence. I’ve been told that I’m brave, that I’m strong and that they admire me for doing something I’m clearly very enthusiastic about. It’s been an ego boost and a positivity rush which, I’ll be honest, I’ve needed. The past few weeks have been up and down, a rollercoaster of dear gods, what nows and general wonderment and worriment about whether this decision has been a good choice. At the end of the day, it’s done now. So what’s a girl to do? Feel the fear and do it anyway as my mum would say. Which is probably the best advice I can give to everyone who has asked me in recent days what steps they need to take to make the same jump.
Babies mean night feed’s, which in turn means quite a lot of internet time. I don’t know what our mothers did at 3am but with severe tiredness I very much doubt she was smelling our heads in awe every single night on loop. Without Facebook and Instagram I’d probably have struggled through those night feeds which luckily have come to the end for us as Little Bean takes after me and has started to enjoy her sleep. But in my many, many sleepy midnight hazes, I discovered a world completely unknown to me. The world of subscription boxes! Why did no one tell me these were a thing? Here are five I love and think you’ll love too.
I think I’m classed as a millennial woman. A mid thirties, career minded woman with children in the mix who is trying to figure out how to have it all – if “have it all” really exists. I am the type of woman who has a partner, a mortgage and ideas in her head to climb all sorts of ladders. A woman whose ideas about herself, her life, her future, changed almost without her knowing but those ladders were still there. I was twenty one leaving college with a Bachelors Degree in the Arts. I jumped feet first into my career as a Librarian and continued with postgraduate studies in the evenings. I loved it. It was a plan, a path, an ideal I was working towards. And here I am twelve years later, abandoning that career I worked so hard for. It wasn’t always the plan to stay at home, but life has changed my options, and more importantly, my perspective.
This week I handed in my resignation. Dun dun duuuuunn! My intitial reaction last night, after a very anti-climactic day of talking to my boss and sorting things out with HR, was “Oh dear god, what the fricking F have I done?” Followed by mild panic and anxiety as it was all finally oh so very, very real. I was due back to my post as a Medical Librarian in May but now I will officially not be going back to work after maternity leave. I am leaving behind a twelve year career to start something brand new. It’s the big decision, the big change, the new me I was talking about last week. So, why did I take the massive step to quit and what am I doing now?
I almost called this The Isolation of Motherhood as I’m in the thick of being a Stay at Home Mum on maternity leave but I’ve gotten to know so many Stay at Home Dads the last year through blogging and friends, so I’m being politically correct with my title. I wrote a post last year about the loneliness of parenthood which was about how your relationship can change when kids come along. I didn’t think I’d write about how lonely being a Stay at Home parent would be because I’ve read so much about it, I swore I wouldn’t let the isolation get to me. But it does. And I do wonder if dads feel the same.
I’ll be honest I’m glad to see the back of 2017. In a year when I should have been ecstatic at the fact that our baby was born without any issues, I was a mess. There’s no nicer way to say it really. I struggled for months with postnatal anxiety and I’m still not over the final hurdle. There are days that are tough but I’m managing a million times better than I was a few months ago. Even so, I’m starting this year with a particular mindframe that is going to keep me balanced and in control. I’m finding the positive again and I’m living to my full potential. Or at least trying.
November was a tough month, which is one of the reasons I’ve been somewhat quiet around here lately. Little Miss started us off with a whopper of a chest infection, followed by the flu which we’re all slowly getting over, Little Bean included, and finally she finished this bout of sickness with a vomiting bug. In all, A missed quite a bit of Preschool and desperately wanted to stay at home with Momma Bear, snuggled up in her PJs no matter the time of day. All of which is totally understandable but it’s made the days she has been able to go to Montessori somewhat difficult. Separation Anxiety has hit. Hit hard. There have been plenty of tears. Hers and mine.
Little Beans First Word – Aaarrrgghhh! Yeppers, our almost six month old has so far, in her tiny little life, made screaming her favourite pastime. From screaming at Momma Bear who looks on blankly thinking “Frick what’s this all about then?”, to Little Miss who has taken on a parental roll and chastises the little pet for shouting so loudly which of course makes her shout louder. Soon enough the baby and the four year old are having a shouting contest with a poor, worn out, desperate to escape the house, Momma who’s stuck in the middle not knowing what to do. But it’s a phase, right? She’s leaping, right? By Christmas the shouting will be cute melodic baby gurgles, right? Right? *insert worried Momma emoji!*
It’s been a while since I had a guest post on the blog. My much loved In Conversation With series was left by the wayside when life became complicated with two Littlies taking over my time. Recently, I connected with the wonderful, mum of two, Samara. She has compiled a brilliant website called Tiny Fry which sets out to help us parents with the never ending question of what to get the child who has everything. Samara was eager to share her top five realizations of how life changes with two and boy did I want to know! Funnily, enough I can relate to oh so, so much of what Samara says and I love her positivity which helps me to know I’m on the right track in dealing with postnatal anxiety! Thank you so much for sharing Samara ♡ please read on and let Samara know how having two, three or more changed your life.