You may have noticed that I have been very quiet the past week. My ordinary four to five posts per week have disappeared and I have been relatively quiet on social media. My break from Over Heaven’s Hill was unintentional. I diligently downed tools on almost everything including my full time job as I was signed out from work. This week has been one I have never experienced before and one I hope never to experience again. Conflicting emotions of hope and despair have filtered through since last Wednesday and I have questioned and agonised over the “what if’s” and “should have’s”. This was meant to be a much different post, which I had already written in anticipation, but was no longer suitable. A happier and more hopeful post with an announcement most people are excited to make. For us, our happy announcement has been shadowed by fear and anxiety because we weren’t too sure we could make it. Thankfully, after today, we can say that yes, it is a happy announcement.
We’re expecting our second baby!
Last Wednesday, however, I thought this post would ultimately play out in a much different scenario.
I started bleeding.
From day one of this pregnancy, I have been worried. When I was pregnant on A, I rarely worried and I was simply pregnant. First time pregnancy emotions whirled me along and I trusted everything was OK. Anything negative that happened, like severe sickness and infections, were simply pregnancy symptoms to me and I went with it.
This time around, perhaps because I understand more and am more aware of what can go wrong due to Aly’s birth, the worry has been huge.
Admittedly, as soon as I saw the blood I thought, I knew this would happen and immediately believed I was miscarrying. Luckily for me, I was in work (I work in one of Dublin’s best maternity hospitals), so I went straight to one of the doctors and asked if they could help me. As I told him what was wrong, I realised my voice was breaking and my hands were shaking.
Without hestitation, he brought me down to our Emergency Room and had me seen to in five minutes. I genuinely did not believe it when I was scanned and saw the baby’s heartbeat fluttering and the little arms waving. Naievely, I believed any bleed in pregnancy was bad and would ultimately result in a miscarriage.
I wasn’t given a hell of a lot of information and I left the Emergency Room confused.
Is the baby ok? Am I ok?
Will I bleed again?
Why did this happen and how?
Am I high risk now?
I’ve been pretty confused the whole week as I rightly self diagnosed myself with a Subchorionic Haematoma. In lay man’s terms, this is a bleed or blood clot situated below the placenta which usually heals itself or is absorbed into the body. I have read conflicting reports, however, about what this means for the baby. Some say, it’s a common occurence and the majority of pregnancies continue to full term. Other reports suggest that bleeding will reoccur and the haematoma may not heal itself causing unmanageable problems with the placenta and ultimately the baby.
I bled for a number of hours on Wednesday, with small bleeds on Thursday and Friday before I could say it had fully cleared by Tuesday. I have been home from work since, supposedly resting but family life often takes over.
B is amazing and his Aunt P has been with me, helping me with A and being an amazing support while B is at work. I spent three full days on the sofa recovering from the episode and also from horrendous morning sickness which left me knocked down with severe vomiting, nausea and weakness. The blog went to the wayside as I couldn’t think of anything to write other than this post.
Early Pregnancy Unit
We’ve had to wait a full week to be rescanned in the Early Pregnancy Unit today to see how the baby is. To our at relief, the baby is growing and bouncing around as it should.
In the meantime, the pregnancy is still at risk of miscarriage. I am at risk of developing another subchorionic haematoma, meaning I am constantly waiting and checking for a bleed. And there is a shadow they are concerned about which may ultimately result in a bleed. They are monitoring me and the baby and I will be back in for another checkup soon to make sure all is going to plan. I am currently twelve weeks pregnant so every day and every week is more and more positive.
With every risk, come days of fear and worry. I don’t expect this to be an easy pregnancy. I am suffering from horrendous morning sickness and fainting spells in amongst the stress and worry of expecting another bleed.
B is optimistically hopefully and has less worry than I do. Which is absolutely unlike him as he’s a pessimistic, glass half empty kind of guy. His reassurance and hopefullness has gotten me through this week.
For friends and family who read my blog, who I have yet to share our happy news, I’m sorry that I haven’t been in touch. As you can imagine this week has been trying and exhausting with worry.
It’s a happy day and as I say I am doing my best to be optimistic and look after myself and the little baby. Another week off work can’t hurt and I really should enjoy this time while I can.
After all, what has worrying every done for me?
I am back blogging and will have my usual posts for you along with a Christmas Gift Guide beginning next week which I’m very excited about.
No doubt, in the near future there will be some pregnancy related posts but let me warn you, I am not the stereotypical, glowing pregnant woman 🙂 Pregnancy, quite like parenting, is damn hard!