This week I handed in my resignation. Dun dun duuuuunn! My intitial reaction last night, after a very anti-climactic day of talking to my boss and sorting things out with HR, was “Oh dear god, what the fricking F have I done?” Followed by mild panic and anxiety as it was all finally oh so very, very real. I was due back to my post as a Medical Librarian in May but now I will officially not be going back to work after maternity leave. I am leaving behind a twelve year career to start something brand new. It’s the big decision, the big change, the new me I was talking about last week. So, why did I take the massive step to quit and what am I doing now?
This decision has played on my mind for quite a long time. It sat there, niggling away at me, right throughout my pregnancy, it gently coaxed me as soon as Little Bean was born and embedded itself once Little Miss started Montessori and the schoolrun became a part of our daily grind.
When we weighed everything up, because finances usually come first in these situations, there was only one answer. Quit. Start afresh. Live a new life.
As you know the start of Little Beans life was somewhat trying for Momma Bear. I’ve overcome an incredible postnatal anxiety that took over my life. Feeling as hopeless, worthless and lost as I did, made me re-evaluate so many things about myself, about who I want to be and who I want to be for our kids. It’s taken a huge amount of mental effort to get through that block in my life but I did, or at least I do most days, because not every day is anxiety free.
Giving up my job, or rather my career, is a massive step. I will now be home with the Littlies, there to pick them up from school, make their lunches, dance, play, get exhausted and frustrated by them. But it’s where I feel I should be and where I want to be. I’m sacrificing a place on the hierarchical career ladder to be a Momma Bear our children will be proud of and to have a home they love to come home too.
Obviously the logistics of being at home is immeasurable in terms of time and finance. Creche fees and long commutes will disappear and our quality of life has improved since I’ve been on maternity leave. We have more time for each other and a somewhat more relaxed pace of life… somewhat. Life always throws curveballs.
But for me, quitting my job has given me a focus and a determination. By now, you probably know how important writing is to me. Not only a passion (doesn’t every writer say that) but a need. Writing is my life. It’s something I like to think I’m good at. You may remember my Sunday Sit Down series showcasing my creative writing. Yes, this series died a death but it still means a lot to me. It’s always been my dream to write for my career. So you know what? Bull by the horns and all that, I quit my job to be a freelance writer. I can finally, in my 34 years of waiting – yes, I wanted to be a writer even in the womb – call myself a professional writer. I write for my career. Ooo goosebumps!
So, you may find my byline in the parenting magazines (In fact, articles of mine will be in the next issues of Maternity & Infant Family and Mums and Tots magazine) and the newspapers. You’ll probably find me blogging more as I’m in the writing mindframe and who knows where else. Know anyone looking for a writer? Send them my way. I’m here, I’m available and I’m ready to write up a storm.
I’m so excited about this new road. And I know this journey is not going to be all smooth. I know there will be verges I have to avoid and potholes along the way but if I stick to the speed limit, I will find myself driving steadily along this road to the career of my dreams. (Indulge me, I had to end with something a little flowery!)