Momma Bear is Feeling the Pressure 

Recently, I have been feeling the pressure of life following me. Not too closely – yet. It’s somewhere behind me in the distance, under shadows and bending behind corners. It’s ever so close. It’s creeping. It’s lurking. It’s catching up. We all know being a parent is hard. Regardless of your situation, the perfect days are few and fair between. There is always something to throw you off course. I guess I’m just having one of those weeks.

I’m finding it difficult to keep up, keep everyone happy, keep myself happy. The days are long, the pauses are short. I’m running on fumes and the fridge always feels empty. There’s no reprieve from the constant speed of family life and I imagine it will get busier when A goes to school, makes friends and begs to go to dance class. For now, she keeps us on our toes as it is. We dance nimbly around her as we keep our house, our lives and our relationship in some sort of a continuous motion. But I can hear a cracking in our everyday theme song, as though we’re being played on a 1940’s record player. Scratching at the surface of our days. 

Somewhere along the way, the tap runs dry and everything feels as though it might simply flake and crumble around our feet. That’s where I am right now. Lately, I have questioned myself, a million times, in almost every aspect of my life. My job. Am I good at it? Do I give it my full undivided attention? My relationship. Am I neglecting the most important thing in my life? Do I make B feel loved and wanted? My parenting. Am I a good mother? Is our daughter happy? Am I doing enough for B and A? Am I doing enough for me? I am exhausted. I am anxious. I am feeling the pressure. 

Darting in between all of these questions, I realise that I’m falling because I’ve forgotten one vital ingredient. Me. I go from day to day rushing with my ‘to do’ list. Any anxiety or worry I have, simmers under the paper that my list is scrawled on and I find that it usually seeps to the surface, soaking through my list, blurring what I should be doing. The worries amplify. 

Parenting pressure over Heaven's Hill Parenting Blog Ireland
Behind the smiles, there is worry, anxiety and sometimes panic.

We have our bad days, even simple bad moments. I am far from being a perfect mother and wife. The hard days take over and make the easiest of tasks frustratingly difficult to finish. I wrack myself with guilt. I’ve struggled to keep the house in order, my patience with A has somewhat suffered on occasion and I’ve worried pitifully about whether I am inadvertently pushing B away because I’m worn, I’m suffering and plain tired.

There are days when I know I am not the best I can be. Days when I want to dig a hole in the back garden and hide in it. I have to let myself fall down every so often. I am not Wonder Woman. Yes, Momma and Papa Bears are strong, powerful and can take on the world to protect their family but we need a time out too. I need a time out. I need to find my feet before the pressure takes over, before it mounts itself on my shoulders like a python tightening it’s grip. I need a breather.

Where, amongst the daily life of family, work and commutes, can I find that pause to recoup?

Reflectionsfromme

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20 Comments

  1. I think there is this idea that just because its something everybody does that it cant be incredibly difficult. In reality I think raising small children whilst working is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Constantly questioning if what you’re doing is right but the fact is a lot of us dont have a choice – we have to work. Im not being very helpful am I? Its tough – so we need to be kind to ourselves and each other

  2. I’m sorry to hear this, but it’s completely normal, too! That doesn’t negate it’s pain. Please consider just asking for what you need. Just ask. If you don’t know what you need take a guess, try it out, then ask for something else if that doesn’t work! Be kind to yourself. 🙂

    1. And this weekend has been a real pick me up. One of those weekends that really made me relax and understand the importance of family and life. There are always bad days in life and yes I have to allow myself to have those days too

  3. I feel like this all of the time lately, so much to worry about, so much to do, such over whelming pressure to get everything done! It’s very hard to find even just a moment to take a breather, but we need to find that moment wherever possible. Sometimes for me it’s as simple as taking a shower, just ten moments to myself at last, other times I’m lucky enough to get out for a meal with the girls or a few drinks to relieve the pressure. I hope you find a moment to pause, much love. #mg

  4. You have to grab any tiny moment you can to recharge your batteries. It may not be hours, it may be minutes, but don’t let those little moments pass. You found time to write this beautifully written post, so that’s a positive, as I’m sure you find writing cathartic. Don’t write at the expense of sleep though! I think that a lack of sleep is the biggest cause of not coping. Parents are super humans – we can cope with a hell of a lot, but lack of sleep is the killer. Sending hugs, Alison x #mg
    Alison (MadHouseMum) recently posted…Refuse to LoseMy Profile

  5. Oh honey I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. I know I’ve been there, that feeling of wanting to be so much yet feeling i am never being enough. I found mindfulness really helpful, and my blog has been like therapy for me. Take care and remember you matter! #mg

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