Today is our 11th Wedding Anniversary. This day eleven years ago, I married my best friend and the only man I have ever been in love with. I know for a fact, that I will always love him more than I love our children. Some may find this remark scathing, unloving and possibly cruel to say. But think about it – can you honestly say that you love your children the same or more than your partner? I’ve always known that my love for B is stronger, closer and more powerful than my love as a mother to our children. And I’m not ashamed or shy to admit it.
The fact of the matter is, that I chose him. And I would choose him every single time over any other person in the world. He is my absolute rock, my future and most importantly, the reason I have children. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I realised that I wanted to have a family with my husband. We were content with it being just us but life changes, circumstances change and I desperately craved to see the man I adored become a father. B is an amazing husband and I knew he would be an amazing father. He proved me right when A came along.
I have said it before to B that I love him more than A and now D as well, and he has cringed retaliating with, what I’d say a lot of people think, ” You can’t say that!”
But why can’t I say it? Because it sounds heartless and cruel? Because it makes me come across as an uncaring mother? Well then, you’ve picked me up wrong. Of course I love our children. I absolutely adore and cherish them. A has an amazing little personality that gets stronger and stronger every day. She makes us laugh with her odd sense of humour and knocks us over with her renditions of KISS and David Bowie. D has melted my heart every day since she arrived less than three weeks ago in the only way a newborn can, cute gurgles and baby cuddles.
But it’s B who has been the center of my world since I was seventeen. I was twenty two when we married. I have known him for almost half of my life. I have grown with him from a teenager, to a girl in her twenties who reinvented herself often, to today, a mother and writer who is still figuring out who she is. And at the very centre of my world, every time I think I understand where I am going in life, get confused and find myself lost, I turn and see B walking there beside me.
We’ve travelled through our lives together for so long and I can see our future waiting for us. I love my husband more than our children because he is me, he is my world, and we will travel this road together, forever. Our children will grow up, and lead their own lives. They will make their own dent on this world. They will have their own relationships, their own strong bonds and if they choose to, their own children.
But I will always have B, walking there beside me, loving me. My best friend, my love and the reason why I am a mother. My world is what it is, because I love him… more than anything, including our children. I love my children so incredibly much. My heart and soul bursts with pride and love for them. So you can imagine how much I love the man I have known and adored for sixteen years, eleven of those with a ring on my finger.
Happy Anniversary B. I love you more than you will ever know.