Why We Don’t Do Valentines

Valentines has come and gone this year and once again there are no flowers in a vase or cards on our mantel. We avoided the wall of hearts and red flowers, and the hallmark quotes have been given to young couples who revel in the mushy romance of the day. You see, B and I don’t do Valentines. In fact, in our 16 years together, we’ve never really done Valentines. It’s nothing to do with the monetary ridiculousness of the mass produced corporate world. Or the falseness and pressure of  the day. It’s more to do with the fact that we first met on the 16th of February and for many years celebrated our relationship and swoon worthy love two days later than everybody else. Now, that we’re married and have ten years of fiercely loyal marriage under our belts we celebrate our wedding date instead, sending the anniversary of when our eyes first met and good old St Valentine to the back burner.

valentines heartBut of course life quickly changes. Kids arrive. Time becomes limited. Romantic gestures get forgotten.

Over the years we’ve realised the importance of celebrating our relationship but we don’t feel the need to confine it to one day. We don’t pressurise ourselves anymore to write long romantic cards, buy gifts that don’t always show how you feel. Moments can be random, unexpected and often it’s these moments that mean so much more than receiving a card that says I Wuv You, on a day when the world receives the same card.

These days we’re tired, no, we’re worn. Juggling work, commutes and family life has set a brand new precedent for our days. As soon as A is asleep in the evenings, we crash on the sofa and try to catch an hour that isn’t caught up in rushing around. The last time B and I had a date was last July for my birthday. The last time we celebrated anything to do with us as a couple. The time, the opportunity and the energy isn’t there. Lord knows how much further back commemorating our relationship will slump when Little Bean arrives in May.

But that doesn’t matter. No matter how tired we are, how often we might have forgotten to say I love you, or kiss each other before falling asleep, we know. We know we love each other, we know that this is where we want to be. And we know through the tiny things we do for eachother that we care.

Every day there are ways we show each other we care. They’re not the lavish romantic gestures we used to do but they count.

  • Our hands brushing off each other as we pass each other by in the hallway
  • Falling asleep with our feet touching as we face opposite directions
  • A gentle hand on the waist as we navigate the kitchen together making dinner
  • A smile across the room as we watch TV together
  • Making a cup of tea 
  • Giving each other a break to rest when we’re so desperately tired
  • When he gets me the foot stool for my feet or a blanket for my shoulders without me asking

This year, B and I are actually celebrating. On Friday night, when Little Miss is snuggled up in bed fast asleep, we’re cooking a meal together, no matter how late in the evening it is. We’re sitting down together, no TV, no phones, romantic candles and a glass of ice cold coke (we don’t drink FYI). We’ll probably fall asleep before we’re able to digest our food. But who cares.

I’m really looking forward to Friday night and our anniversary date. I love you B, but you knew that ♥ Happy Anniversary ♥

Hears to the day we first met – 16 years ago, in a pub neither of us wanted to be in, on a cold snowy February day, two days after Valentines.

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2 Comments

  1. I really loved this post. I agree that once you have children, then it’s the little everyday ways you show your love that matter. I can’t remember the last time I had a date with my other half – but we make nights in special. We did mark Valentine’s Day but as a family occasion: I got cards and gifts from son & partner – & gave them gifts and we had a lovely family meal in (which we go every night lol)

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