I’ve heard them say that going from zero babies to one baby is harder than going from one to two. I can understand why. Having at least one child has given you a massive amount of experience into this world of parenting. Whether you think you’re a good parent or not, whether you struggle every day with the long and arduous routine or have everything neatly organised and arranged for the week ahead, parenting is all still a mystery with learning curves every day. But adding a second child to the mix, apparently isn’t as hard as learning everything from scratch first time round. So why do I feel so damn nervous about becoming a Mum of two?
It’s only really in recent days that I’ve started to feel this odd sense of panic as I think about how the daily routine will change and question how I’ll be able to divide my time. B said yesterday, “in a few weeks when the baby is here.” Dear God…. a few weeks. We’re no longer in the discussions stages about expanding on our family. We’re no longer trying to get pregnant. We’re almost there. Little Bean is eight months cooked.
Four very short weeks and Little Bean will make her appearance. I’ve had a chat with her and told her to hold on until the C Section date… I’m far too precious to try and cope with mad dashes to the hospital while I labour!! Soon enough though, we’ll be counting down days instead of weeks and I’m just not sure if I’m ready.
The house is ready. Little Beans room is all decorated and ready. The drawers are full of babygros and cute little outfits which are hand me downs from her big sister, A. The playmat we named Octo when A was a baby has been taken down from the attic and washed. It’s airing and waiting for little toes and hands to grab on to it. We’ve loaded up on nappies… probably too many of one size and not enough of another but I genuinely couldn’t stand in the baby aisle anymore trying to figure out what we needed! We have countless packets of wipes, blankets and have the baby carrier on order.
We’ve stocked up on special presents for big sister A, and prepared her for the impending arrival of Little Bean. She knows her name and conviently has forgotten it by the next morning since we want to keep it a secret from family and friends for as long as possible! A knows that a change is coming and seems incredibly accepting of it. Of course only time will tell.
So am I ready? Is B ready? Ready for the upheavel?
I really don’t think we are.
We have a very specific routine with A and neither B nor I can imagine changing it on her. But we know we will. We’ll do our best to keep things as normal as possible but let’s face it, babies are demanding. How do we juggle a newborn and a three and a half year old? how do we give them both the due attention they need?
I suppose only time will tell.
Having a second baby is not exactly something we can prepare for aside from stocking up on the basics. But we distinctly remember how time consuming and all encompassing a newborn was. The lack of sleep, the constant worrying about whether there was something wrong with the baby or not. The fussy days, the teething, the odd virus and infections. And of course, eventually comes the mess and wonder of introducing solids, crawling and walking. How do we manage all of this and still give A the love and attention she so rightly and beautifully deserves?
These are just thoughts on the page. Facing my fears of being an inadequate mother as I stay at home with the kids for a year. One against two.
I know it will be done. I know I will have that one on one time with both my children. I will never give up painting and playing play doh with A. B will always read books with A and chase her around the sofa.
Things will change but like my mum says “love shown always grows” and we will show A and her little baby sister in a million and one ways, how much we love them.
So four weeks to go. Let’s hope I gain a little courage, a little perspective and a lot of confidence over the next four weeks so that I can start on the right foot from day one and be the Mum I want to be.