June is our wedding anniversary. We are married ten years – it’s our Tin Year. B has always made me laugh. He’s one of those guys that is scarily funny. He’s so quick with his comebacks that you can’t help but think, “How the hell did he come up with that one?” I remember sitting on the ‘phone chair’ – a large imposing wicker chair with padded cushions which is long since gone – talking to B on the corded phone in my parents house when I was seventeen and about to sit my leaving cert (end of school exams in our neck of the woods). I was laughing so hard that when I got off the phone my sister who is seven years older than me asked, “Is he really that funny?”
Yes, yes he is.
He’s known for his humor. We often say that his talent is wasted and that I’m holding him back from being a stand up comic because I couldn’t bear to see him touring the country without me (he’s that good!) 🙂 but I don’t care – I will be his laughing audience forever. He doesn’t need the troves of fans, the fame and the glory 😉
I was 17, he was 20 when we first met. Babies. We are together 15 years and today, we have been married for 10 of those years. Yes, I was a baby faced, 22 year old marrying an equally young looking 25 year old and now we’re in our Tin Year.
After I finished my Bachelors Degree and found a ‘real job’ and B was promoted in his company, we bought a pokey two bed apartment together. On our first night there, we slept on a mattress that lay on a cold concrete floor. The place was bare, cold and empty. No paint on the walls, no flooring, little to no furniture. I have to say, it was somewhat depressing for both of us. I used to refer to it as “our box” it was that small. We hated it. But this was the beginning of our lives together. This was where we went from dating, to living together, to being married. We had nothing to our name bar the mattress and a few pots and pans I had picked up before we moved in. We eventually bought a fish named Daisy who we still have all this time later.
A year after we moved in we brought 37 of our relatives and friends to Scotland and got married in Dalhousie Castle in Edinburgh. To say it was perfect and magical is an understatement. I was a fairly relaxed bride bar one obligatory panic attack. As we had never been in Scotland and knew nothing about marrying there, we had a wedding planner. So really everything was taken out of our hands and it all fell into place on the day bar a minor hiccup with passports and a marriage licence! We travelled on the Saturday and got married on the Monday. I remember it like it was yesterday and honestly I would relive that day over and over again.
They say the best days in your life are when your children are born. For me, my best day is the day I married my best friend and soul mate. Of course, A was born by Emergency Cesarean Section so her birthday was swimming in stress and pain – and that’s a post I’ve been writing for weeks now!
B knows me inside and out. He knows what I’m thinking. He knows how to piss me off and make me laugh at the same time. He knows when I’m hurting and when to hold me. He knows when to make me a toasted ham and cheese sandwich because I’m too lazy or busy to make one myself even though I’m starving (like tonight!). And he makes an awesome cup of tea.
Ten years of marriage is a decent length of time. We’ve changed and grown together. Life has not always been easy, we’ve had our challenges and some very bad years. We’ve both gone through depression and stress but we suffered through them together, being as supportive as we could. At the end of the day we love each other so much that we knew we’d get through those hard days and come out the other end wiser and still in love.
Deciding to start a family was a big decision for us. We were young when we married. We didn’t think about becoming parents, we focused on our careers and our relationship and we were happy. Having children was not on our list of things to do and in all honesty we had no intention of starting a family. In 2012, I changed my mind. Either my late twenties had crept up on me and my maternal instinct kicked in or I was in denial all along about how important starting a family was to me.
Broaching the topic of kids with B was difficult because we had just come through a difficult car crash, we were knee deep in doctors and solicitors and were by then living in a 3 bed semi which we hated more than the apartment, believe it or not. B was conflicted. He understood my need to start a family but was also wary of the drastic change and questioned if parenting was for us. He was right to question everything. Parenting is not an easy job, it should not be something that you can just walk away from. He debated with himself repeatedly for almost a year. Happily, the result of that long year was A 🙂
It makes me happy to know and remember that we were married seven years and together twelve before A came along. We had a lifetime together as a free couple before parenting took over and changed us. Of course, once the baby comes along, the dynamic of our relationship changes. Life changes. I changed and B changed. All for the better. We developed and grew a new side to our personality. We’ve both fallen in love with each other again and again because of A. Because we know how hard parenting is and we know how rewarding it is. We appreciate, trust and support each other in this new adventure of our life.
I’ve discovered a lot about B over the last few years as his father mode kicked in and he jumped head first into the most important role of his life.
He is a Natural Father
B spent the entire nine months worrying about being a fatherhood. Worrying about how he’d be with the baby, how he’d love the baby, how we’d manage life. He’s a worrier by nature so this wasn’t new. But if he didn’t worry so much, that’s when I’d need to worry. By worrying and questioning and wondering how things will work out, he’s inadvertently preparing himself for huge changes. But he’s a natural. He became a father in a split second and his instincts took over. Our little girl adores him, he’s her best friend, her prince and her adorning father.
He has a lot of energy
No matter how tired B is, he will never say no to A. If she wants him to chase her around the sitting room or play football in the kitchen or garden, he’ll do it. If she insists on waking him up at 6 am to play with My Little Ponies, he doesn’t mind. Almost every game they play together is high octane and high energy. I genuinely don’t know how he doesn’t collapse as soon as she goes to bed.
He has his priorities right
Family comes first. Me and A are his number one.He thinks of us first, always makes sure we’re ok and does everything with us in mind. He’s our rock and our centre.
This year, is the first year I’ve forgotten to buy B an anniversary card. On Thursday I bought three birthday cards, a christening card and two father’s day cards needed for over the next three weeks… and I forgot the most important card. So, this is my anniversary card to you B. I love you. Happy Tin Year!