The Fragility of Marriage

As the world reels in the non-important but celebrity significant news of the impending divorce of Brangelina, I wonder, as many have wondered when a celebrity marriage crumbles, if marriage has become a non-entity in our lives. It’s importance no longer lists high on the agenda of family life. Marriage is not, for some couples, an important aspect of a relationship when deciding to have children. And that is fine. To each their own. Many don’t believe in marriage and have strong partnerships that are loving and long lasting. There are times when children are brought into partnerships which often don’t stand the test of time. Being together as one unit is not necessarily the best option for a family when there is unhappiness, abuse or things just aren’t right. Relationships end, and should end, for a number of reasons. Families are separated and children live dual lives with Mom and Dad. It’s not always a problem or difficult. Many families happily live with an arrangement that suits them, gaining love and support from a wider family circle. But it is a common occurrence. Divorce and separation are commonplace and unfortunately children often become casualties in a battleground of lawyers and arguments. Regardless of any amicability, there is hurt and sadness and worry.

I am, by no means, going to preach about the sanctity of marriage or claim that we are failing our children by allowing divorce numbers to rise yearly. Relationships end for a multitude of reasons. Divorce is not taken lightly. Ending a relationship is a difficult and brave thing to do. No one has the right to judge or to peer inside closed doors irrespective of anyone’s celebrity status.

It’s Not an Easy Road

What I will say is that marriage is hard.

It can be trying. Relationships have their jagged edges and bumps in the road. It is simply called life. Happy marriages exist. I for one like to think that ours is one of those happy unions but we have had hard times. Difficult spots in our marriage. Trials to overcome. Like many we have our fragile moments but at the end of the day, I’m his and he’s mine and that’s not going to change. You’re stuck with me B.

I’ve been married to B for ten years. We were 22 and 25 when we got married. A lot of friends and family have said, and some still say, that we were kids, oh so young. I wonder how many had bets on when our marriage would fold. Did they give us one year, three, the seven year itch? We were 30 and 33 when A was born. Waiting eight years into our marriage to start a family was more due to my change of heart about having children. Originally, both of us were happy not to have children. That changed, as a lot of things change as you grow. The decision to start a family was hard. We fought because we were on different sides of the fence. Our marriage was fragile. And not for the first time, nor the last. But divorce or separation has never been a consideration. We work hard at our relationship. We respect each other and appreciate each other. The big challenges life throws at us are taken head on and together. There is nothing in my life that I do alone anymore because B has my back. He will catch me if I fall and I him.

As people we have grown and changed together. Sometimes, the changes have not been easy. But life is not easy and we’ve been thrown curve balls that have made life difficult.

Fragility of Marriage Marriage is hard parenting blog
I dragged B to the Circus with me last week to the LWI Blog Awards and even though it wasn’t his cup of tea, he gladly came to support me.

Irritable Tensions in Every Day Life

We fought. We still fight. We fight more now, since becoming parents, than we ever did. Stress, tiredness and the possible lack of a warm and full dinner is probably a lot to do with it. We live through irritable tensions and exhausted patience. We fight differently though which I find unbearably frustrating.

B is a momentary argumentative plonker forgetting the fight almost immediately and moving on, expecting me to do the same. I’m a hold-a-grudge, moody wench who let’s the anger linger and fester expecting some grovelling which usually never comes. This in itself results in further arguments and tensions. Go figure! We’re clearly a match made in heaven.

Despite any arguments, differences of opinion, I have never in our ten years of marriage wanted or thought about leaving B. I have never dreamed or imagined us separating. I can not picture my life without him. Luckily for me, he says he feels the same way. I’m on to a winner 🙂

Regardless of our bad days, the arguments, there are amazing days, and beautiful moments that I cherish. Watching him become a father. Seeing the love he has for our daughter and for me, every day, is beautiful. The funny moments and the laughter he brings into our home. The desire and need to keep his family happy and safe. The perfect family days we wish would never end. 

Fragility of Marriage Parenting Blog

Where Does Our Importance on Our Marriage Come From?

We are not religious so neither our relationship nor our marriage is necesarily centered on our Catholic upbringing. But it is important to us. Marriage is important to us. We want to stay to together, stay married, so we work hard at it. And some days we have to work harder than others. But we do. Because to us, being married means something more than just being husband and wife or living together in the same house. It means we try. It means we don’t give up. It means we remember why we got married in the first place. It means we love each other in spite of the plonker and the wench we can be some days.  

I like to think that I will grow old with B. Watch the grey hairs move across his head and the wrinkles burrow deeper into his face. I like to think that as husband and wife, we are also best friends and no matter what happens in our lives we will always be there for each other. I think we’re lucky. Lucky to have a strong marriage, to have respect and admiration for each other. I hope against hope, that we will always work on our marriage. That we will always want to be together.

Fragility of Marriage Marriage is hard parenting blog

XOXO

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19 Comments

  1. This is one of the most beautiful articles I have encountered,thnx,I hope the world out there understands this…I am not married but it spoke to my soul,was beginning to lose faith in marriage…

  2. Beautifully-written. My husband and I aren’t regular churchgoers, and, though Christian, consider ourselves more spiritual that religious, so there’s no pressure to “make it work”, we simply “work on it” because we love each other enough, are committed to each other enough, and to our daughter to give her a loving, stable home, to do so. We are both learning how to be better people. In marriage, you have to be friends, and though we don’t have everything in common, we have some things, because we both need our space sometimes, and the other is there to watch our daughter when we need to be completely alone.
    Sarah Richards recently posted…#Fiction Friday: #Novelines from the BookMy Profile

  3. This is lovely. I can completely relate. I’m not religious but marriage was / is important to me. It is hard when you have a young child and your focus is split and your energy levels are depleted. But you have to try and also be tolerant and forgiving. I hope you both continue to be happy despite the occasional bicker 🙂 #MarvMondays
    Angela Watling recently posted…My first month with a Bullet JournalMy Profile

  4. So much truth in this. You never know whats going on in someone else’s relationship whatever it might look like from the outside. Having kids puts major pressure on your relationship. And I too, like you , am a moody wench! I will hold a grudge for ever – my husband will forget about it in 30 seconds. Im trying to come round to his way of arguing. I always remind myself when I want to kill him, that we are both tired and stressed and to give each other a break.
    themotherhub.ie recently posted…Feminist Friday: Is complaining about Motherhood a Feminist Act?My Profile

    1. It’s incredible the impact havin children has on your life and a lot don’t understand the effect co-parenting can have on a couples relationship. Our relationship has severely changed, some ways for the better, others not so much but we work through it because at the end of the day we are two people

  5. I love the honesty of this post, Geraldine. So often in the blogosphere folks shy away from showing the ‘real’ people behind the blog. People are often selective, choosing to show the nice, pretty elements of life.

    Good on you for sharing your ‘real’ marriage, not an airbrushed version.

    I think it’s a wonderful testament to the strength of your marriage that you’ve weathered things together. That despite the ups and downs you are in it for the long haul. Committed. A team.

    Thanks for having the courage to be open and to share and to be real. I like the real you and a real marriage.

    Lovely photos BTW.

    1. Thank you Jane. Life is not rosy all the time and want the honesty in my blog. I want people to know that we all have shit days (weeks, months). Life is full of ups and downs, happiness and sadness. It would be wrong of me to only post about the good days, especially when most people can relate to the bad days more so. We’ve all been there 🙂 I have a very happy marriage but we have tough times. We’ve suffered and struggled as everyone does and I won’t hide from that fact. Not when talking about it, can help others too 🙂

      1. I absolutely echo your last statement about it helping others. I think ‘keeping it real’ is what will make folks feel right at home ‘overheavenshill, feeling connected. I firmly believe that good can come out of difficult circumstances or tough times…The main positive being our ability to empathise and put ourselves into the other person’s situation. To have walked a mile in their moccasins. xx

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