As the world reels in the non-important but celebrity significant news of the impending divorce of Brangelina, I wonder, as many have wondered when a celebrity marriage crumbles, if marriage has become a non-entity in our lives.
It’s importance no longer lists high on the agenda of family life. Marriage is not, for some couples, an important aspect of a relationship when deciding to have children. And that is fine. To each their own. Many don’t believe in marriage and have strong partnerships that are loving and long lasting. There are times when children are brought into partnerships which often don’t stand the test of time. Being together as one unit is not necessarily the best option for a family when there is unhappiness, abuse or things just aren’t right. Relationships end, and should end, for a number of reasons. Families are separated and children live dual lives with Mom and Dad. It’s not always a problem or difficult. Many families happily live with an arrangement that suits them, gaining love and support from a wider family circle. But it is a common occurrence. Divorce and separation are commonplace and unfortunately children often become casualties in a battleground of lawyers and arguments. Regardless of any amicability, there is hurt and sadness and worry.
I am, by no means, going to preach about the sanctity of marriage or claim that we are failing our children by allowing divorce numbers to rise yearly. Relationships end for a multitude of reasons. Divorce is not taken lightly. Ending a relationship is a difficult and brave thing to do. No one has the right to judge or to peer inside closed doors irrespective of anyone’s celebrity status.
It’s Not an Easy Road
What I will say is that marriage is hard.
It can be trying. Relationships have their jagged edges and bumps in the road. It is simply called life. Happy marriages exist. I for one like to think that ours is one of those happy unions but we have had hard times. Difficult spots in our marriage. Trials to overcome. Like many we have our fragile moments but at the end of the day, I’m his and he’s mine and that’s not going to change. You’re stuck with me B.
I’ve been married to B for ten years. We were 22 and 25 when we got married. A lot of friends and family have said, and some still say, that we were kids, oh so young. I wonder how many had bets on when our marriage would fold. Did they give us one year, three, the seven year itch? We were 30 and 33 when A was born. Waiting eight years into our marriage to start a family was more due to my change of heart about having children. Originally, both of us were happy not to have children. That changed, as a lot of things change as you grow. The decision to start a family was hard. We fought because we were on different sides of the fence. Our marriage was fragile. And not for the first time, nor the last. But divorce or separation has never been a consideration. We work hard at our relationship. We respect each other and appreciate each other. The big challenges life throws at us are taken head on and together. There is nothing in my life that I do alone anymore because B has my back. He will catch me if I fall and I him.
Irritable Tensions in Every Day Life
We fought. We still fight. We fight more now, since becoming parents, than we ever did. Stress, tiredness and the possible lack of a warm and full dinner is probably a lot to do with it. We live through irritable tensions and exhausted patience. We fight differently though which I find unbearably frustrating.
B is a momentary argumentative plonker forgetting the fight almost immediately and moving on, expecting me to do the same. I’m a hold-a-grudge, moody wench who let’s the anger linger and fester expecting some grovelling which usually never comes. This in itself results in further arguments and tensions. Go figure! We’re clearly a match made in heaven.
Despite any arguments, differences of opinion, I have never in our ten years of marriage wanted or thought about leaving B. I have never dreamed or imagined us separating. I can not picture my life without him. Luckily for me, he says he feels the same way. I’m on to a winner 🙂
Regardless of our bad days, the arguments, there are amazing days, and beautiful moments that I cherish. Watching him become a father. Seeing the love he has for our daughter and for me, every day, is beautiful. The funny moments and the laughter he brings into our home. The desire and need to keep his family happy and safe. The perfect family days we wish would never end.
Where Does Our Importance on Our Marriage Come From?
We are not religious so neither our relationship nor our marriage is necesarily centered on our Catholic upbringing. But it is important to us. Marriage is important to us. We want to stay to together, stay married, so we work hard at it. And some days we have to work harder than others. But we do. Because to us, being married means something more than just being husband and wife or living together in the same house. It means we try. It means we don’t give up. It means we remember why we got married in the first place. It means we love each other in spite of the plonker and the wench we can be some days.
I like to think that I will grow old with B. Watch the grey hairs move across his head and the wrinkles burrow deeper into his face. I like to think that as husband and wife, we are also best friends and no matter what happens in our lives we will always be there for each other. I think we’re lucky. Lucky to have a strong marriage, to have respect and admiration for each other. I hope against hope, that we will always work on our marriage. That we will always want to be together.
If you find you need support in keeping your relationship on the right track there are always people who can help. Sometimes relationships need a little hand holding. Regain.us is an online counselling service that may be able to help you both.