I’ll be honest I’m glad to see the back of 2017. In a year when I should have been ecstatic at the fact that our baby was born without any issues, I was a mess. There’s no nicer way to say it really. I struggled for months with postnatal anxiety and I’m still not over the final hurdle. There are days that are tough but I’m managing a million times better than I was a few months ago. Even so, I’m starting this year with a particular mindframe that is going to keep me balanced and in control. I’m finding the positive again and I’m living to my full potential. Or at least trying.
Don’t hate me but yes I’m already thinking about Summer Holidays. For the first time in my life, I have already booked a family holiday for the Summer. No, we’re not going to Spain or Disneyland, although they were options that soared out of our price range even with the sales. Instead we’re taking the kids on their very first family holiday to a self catering house on a rural organic farm in Wexford. The beach, the quiet, the sunsets, the reminder of the magic of family holidays when I was a kid. I genuinely can’t wait for this staycation.
I had no intention of writing a post over the holidays let alone on Christmas Day but when the day goes awry, all things are open to change. Our kids are four years old and seven months old. They have no expectations for Christmas day. I, on the other hand, do, and when those plans become incredibly skewed I can’t help but feel deflated, disappointed and as though my Christmas has been stolen from me. As I write, it’s still Christmas Day but I’m wishing it was over already. It’s been one hell of a washout with one thing or another but I’ve learnt some very important lessons today.
Even though my tastes in interior design are a little more unique than others with an industrial, steampunk and eclectic style, my Christmas Decor is traditional and bright. I don’t apologise for the fact that our two, yes two, Christmas trees have adorned our home since the middle of November. With a sick and poorly A pretty much all of November and a baby nestled frequently in my arms, I took the opportunity to get the decorations out of the attic whenever I could. It took me two weeks to put the tinsel out but by the start of December, our home was glorious lit up for Christmas. Take a peek.
Call me an Elf On The Shelf Grinch but I won’t be falling into the trap of getting landed with one of these little
monsters Christmas Elves any time soon. While they look adorably cute, their mischievous streak has come to light all too quick. I admire the Momma and Papa Bears who, day after day, in the run up to Christmas have to clean up the mess these little divils get up to, but I’m firmly on the Nay side of letting one of these guys into our home. Recently, A has become enthralled with the Elf On The Shelf ad on TV after meeting the real life Elf at Santa’s Enchanted Forest at Luggwoods. But I’m sorry my dear, the Elf can stay firmly on that shelf for one simple reason – I’m already exhausted and the brainpower isn’t there. Even if we weren’t in the middle of baby days with teething and sleep training, I’m not sure I could muster up the energy to have an Elf as a house guest this Christmas.
I’ve come to the conclusion that parents shouldn’t date – or maybe it’s just me and B. We’re pretty disastrous when it comes to finding ourselves with a few child free hours but last Friday night pips the lot of them. Date Night? More like waste night as our car pulled back up to the house at 10:50pm and we swore next time would be better.
Books books books. You can’t have an English Degree with a twelve year career in librarianship and be writer and not love books. It’s one of the the things we have always instilled in Little Miss who has been reading books with Papa Bear since she was three months old. And so we have followed suit with Little Bean who has a fascination with grabbing at the book and is turning the pages with a little help from Momma Bear now that she is hitting six months old. But then there’s me who invested in a kindle years ago only for it to have been transformed into a white noise machine and now a paperweight. The scale of who owns the most books in our house now leans towards the kids but thats not a bad thing. But I’ve started to change that and with my blogger friends becoming accomplished novelists and writers in the past year I’m picking up more books than I ever did. So lately it’s been one for me and one for the kids.
What better way to celebrate feeling positive again than a new tattoo. Nope, tattoos aren’t for everyone since they’re pretty much a forever thing but my tattoos mean a lot to me. They signify a point in my life, a change, a passion, a positive mindframe. Since becoming a Stay At Home Mum just before Little Bean was born, my world changed. Drastically. But for the better. Harder. But simpler in an odd way. For a while though, I felt like I lost a part of me as I felt overwhelmed, panicked and stressed having to survive the day with two little ones, while attempting to control my home and indoctrine myself into a routine that was more alien than a pile of mashed potato. Anxiety hit. Depression slid in. I felt lost. Abandoned. Alone. And overwhelmed. But I have reclaimed so much of my life in the last month and finally feel like the tag line of this Blog is coming true. I’m finally becoming the new me … the new new me… through parenting and through understanding my place in this life.
A is three years old. Almost four. She’s strong. She’s passionate. She’s opinionated. She knows what she likes. She makes her own choices. There is not a lot we can do to steer her away from what she chooses. Not that we would want to. She makes eclectic choices and amazes us when something obscure becomes her favourite. She is passionate and loyal to what she chooses and does not forget something she once loved. I sometimes wonder why she makes the decisions she does.
Myself and B have been told on a few separate occasions on Twitter that we are #RelationshipGoals which is a pretty damn nice thing to see and hear. Basically, some people out there seem to see us as having a relationship that others should aspire too. I guess we come across quite well on Twitter but more often than not, one or both of us will respond to the tweet by bringing that kudos down a peg or two. We effectively deliberately knock oursleves off that pedestal. We tend to try to reiterate the point that we’re human and have our ups and downs like anybody else. And while this is true, it sort of got me thinking about our relationship and you know what I thought? Well, damn, yes, we are #RelationshipGoals but for one reason and one reason only…