Myself and B have been told on a few separate occasions on Twitter that we are #RelationshipGoals which is a pretty damn nice thing to see and hear. Basically, some people out there seem to see us as having a relationship that others should aspire too. I guess we come across quite well on Twitter but more often than not, one or both of us will respond to the tweet by bringing that kudos down a peg or two. We effectively deliberately knock oursleves off that pedestal. We tend to try to reiterate the point that we’re human and have our ups and downs like anybody else. And while this is true, it sort of got me thinking about our relationship and you know what I thought? Well, damn, yes, we are #RelationshipGoals but for one reason and one reason only…
Because We Never Give Up.
Marriage, relationships, even friendships can be hard and we can’t be flippant about them. No matter who we are, we continually have to make the effort, keep it going, be brave and honest and trust that this relationship is going in the right direction.
B and I have had our fair share of struggles. We don’t live in a blur of pink happiness with our two girls. But we have a balance on life and on our relationship which means that when B walks in that door in the evening, we’re happy to see each other and we long for the kids to be in bed so we can actually talk to each other. Most of the time, we want to be together. Even if we’re just sitting in the same room, sporadically talking every now and again, while I write and he games.
We’re together long enough to know what does and doesn’t work in our relationship. And even though there are still things that don’t work all that well, we’re working on them because that’s what you do. You never give up. #RelationshipGoals
We’re lucky that we’ve been together for 16 years. We were young when we met (I was 17 and he was 20) so by next year, I will have known B and been in a relationship with him for literally half of my life. Yowsers! That seems like a kind of strange thing for a 34 year old to say but I love it. I love that almost half of my life has been with the man I truly and genuinely love and a man I know feels the same about me. Alright, enough gushy moments!
When we got engaged, my goal (and I hope his too) was to be with him for the rest of my life. To love him, honour him, respect him and all that lark. But when you’re standing at an alter in a white dress, feeling ridiculously like a princess, you’re not thinking about the incredible hardships life will inevitably throw at you. You’re not thinking beyond that day or envisaging the mundane, ordinary days, when you come home from work, exhausted, to a crying baby and a whining toddler. You’re not thinking about what if depression hits, or if you suddenly dont know where your life is going and start to question your path. You’re not thinking about the difficulties of raising kids and trying to find a balance on life that seems to elude you. You’re not thinking about money worries or future concerns.
But these things will happen. Not all at once, thankfully, but even one of these things can knock you for six. And usually when one gets knocked the other person falls like a skittle standing next to you. If you’re lucky one of you will stay standing and pull the other back up and that’s why I think we’re #RelationshipGoals
Because if we fall, we never give up.
#IRL – In Real Life
On twitter, B and I travel in different circles and also the same circles of people who we like to talk to. We’ve found our twitter #tribe. We often cross over and jump into each others conversations and more often than not, we’re seen as one entity. And I like that. It’s known by most that we’re married and I think it comes across quite strong that we’re happy. But hey, dont let us fool you! Real life is what matters. Twitter is a form of escapism for us both and it’s pretty nice that we can have that escapism together or separately if we need it.
On twitter, we are us. We’re real. We joke and laugh. B makes inappropriate comments, double entendres and hilarious innuendos. He cracks me up! On twitter and in real life. Still, one of the funniest people I know, he found his comedy again after finding a voice and a place on twitter. And so I tagged along and started using Twitter how it was meant to be used. To interact with people. And one of those people just so happens to be B. Our twitter lives and home lives intertwine to some extent which must be why people have taken to us in a positive way. Humour has always been a focal point of our relationship and twitter keeps that alive.
But that doesn’t mean that we don’t fight, glare at each other, and want to leave whatever room the other is in at times. It doesn’t mean that we have all the answers. It doesn’t mean that we’re a couple to aspire to. We’re tired, no we’re exhausted. We’re worn and some days we’re incredibly fragile. But at the end of the day, we’re in this together and that’s what makes the difference for us.
What Are #RelationshipGoals?
Whatever you are looking for in a relationship.
My entire life I have looked at my parents as #RelationshipGoals but just like me and B they will knock this accolade back and refocus on real life. What you see is not always how it truly is. There are too many difficulties and variables in life to consistently be content or happy. And yet when the shit hits the fan, it’s because of being in a relationship such as this that makes it that little bit easier to clean up the mess.
So you know I’m suffering postnatal anxiety. You know I’m more overworked now than I usually am at my 9 to 5 job. You know that I have had days when I’ve felt as though I am falling flat. But I know I can’t get through any of this if I don’t have B, who is always there ready to catch me when I fall. No, he may not be able to prevent the fall, but he can make my landing less painful.
No matter where you are on the #RelationshipGoals spectrum, it’s undeniable that relationships are hard and have to be worked on. It’s not as easy as saying “I love you” everyday. Sometimes we need a bit of extra support and if you need help to get your relationship back on track then couples counselling can help.
FYI – I’ve been looking for some examples of our tweets but damn we tweet a lot and there’s far too many to scroll through. But if you are ever interested in our weird banter on twitter or the hashtag games we play then give us a follow. We’re the follow back kind of people @overheavenshill and @danzig303