There are days, quite a lot of them, when I don’t feel like the adult in this Momma Bear, Baby Bear scenario. Allegra crept up to me one afternoon and wrapped her dainty arms around my legs and hugged me hard. The little mite, in her tiny years and few short feet, has grown up so much but still so desperately needs her Momma’s hugs. And I hope she always will. In that instant, as her arms squeezed me tight, I thought, dammit I needed that. I needed that hug. And I also thought, dammit I’m the Mum.
Being Momma Bear has changed me. I’ve changed drastically and dramatically and for the better. We grow up, drag ourselves in to the world of adulthood and expect nothing. For some people things don’t change. They blend from one decade to the next with the same ideals and shoes. Others change quickly, become bigger, better versions of their younger selves. And then there are new parents. The change is sudden and immense. The growing up and learning is vast. Parenthood is like an affliction that changes the internal mechanisms of your body and brain – in a positive yet frightfully severe way. Has parenthood changed you?
There are days, quite a lot of them actually, when I don’t feel like the adult in this Momma Bear / Baby Bear scenario. Little Miss sidled up to me one afternoon this week and wrapped her dainty arms around my legs and hugged me hard. The little mite, in her four tiny years and few short feet, has grown up so much in the past year but so desperately needs her Momma’s hugs. And I hope she always will. In that instant, as her arms squeezed me tight, I thought, dammit I needed that. I needed that hug. And I also thought, dammit I’m the Mom.
Maternity Leave Is Not A Holiday – thank you very much. Before I left work at the beginning of May, I heard a few passing remarks such as, “It’ll be great to have so much time off”, “You can relax. You deserve it,” “You’ll have a great time,” and “I’d love a few months off like you.” Well, I’d love the hot coffee, the long toilet breaks, the lazy wander around Pennys on my lunch hour and the adult conversation but you don’t hear me saying how easy you have it at the office now do you! No, maternity leave is not a holiday.
What better way to celebrate feeling positive again than a new tattoo. Nope, tattoos aren’t for everyone since they’re pretty much a forever thing but my tattoos mean a lot to me. They signify a point in my life, a change, a passion, a positive mindframe. Since becoming a Stay At Home Mum just before Little Bean was born, my world changed. Drastically. But for the better. Harder. But simpler in an odd way. For a while though, I felt like I lost a part of me as I felt overwhelmed, panicked and stressed having to survive the day with two little ones, while attempting to control my home and indoctrine myself into a routine that was more alien than a pile of mashed potato. Anxiety hit. Depression slid in. I felt lost. Abandoned. Alone. And overwhelmed. But I have reclaimed so much of my life in the last month and finally feel like the tag line of this Blog is coming true. I’m finally becoming the new me … the new new me… through parenting and through understanding my place in this life.
Finally, I can almost say that I’m ready to bring Little Bean into the world. I have finished up some DIY that needed doing in the house, thanks to my awesome Dad. Ok, so the DIY didn’t necessarily need doing, but my head and shoulders are a lot more relaxed knowing they are done. I have my hospital bag packed!! I did it, finally, with just two weeks to go. For some reason I kept putting this one off, probably because the reality of the looming and large bump only hit last week. I have Little Bean’s clothes all washed, iron and sorted in little Ikea drawer sorter thingys and I feel so accomplished knowing where all the nappies, wipes and scented bags are. I have five sets of clothes ready for A, for when I’m in the hospital so B doesn’t have to stress about what to throw on the cute three-year old. I have action plans in place if I go into labour, and plans are in motion if all goes to schedule and I get to walk into hospital for the elective C-section. You may have gathered that I’m a planner, an organiser, I like and need to keep control of my personal situations and that of my family. The same goes for the weeks after me and Little Bean get home. For myself, for B and A and of course our new Little Bean, to settle into our new lives together I have rules and plans. Read more
This week on In Conversation With, we are joined by the beautiful Louise who writes a parenting blog at Mummy Miller. Louise is currently on maternity leave and works as a nurse in the NHS. I have absolute admiration for nurses and midwves. Working in a maternity hospital myself, I see how dedicated and hard working they all are. I absolutely love that Louise married her childhood sweetheart. Herself and her now husband met when they were 15 and married after eight years together. I was 17 when I met B and love that I have lived almost half of my life with him already. Remember to check out Louise’s blog and to follow her on twitter and facebook.
You may have noticed that I have been a little quiet on the blog front. I decided to take a week or so off from writing as I caught up on, well everything. I’ll admit at 30 weeks I’ve been pushing myself too hard and have felt exhausted to the point of willing myself into a coma. Not to repeat myself, but I’m not made for pregnancy and find that I’m really struggling this time round. On the flip side, its gone a lot quicker than last time and the final countdown has crept up on us. But because we’ve only single digit weeks to wait until Little Bean arrives, I can’t help but feel anxious over the fact that I haven’t bonded with bump and that I have nothing ready for her. Oh how different pregnancy number two really is.
The Phd Mama joins us on In Conversation With this week. I have been following the wonderful Suchitra for a while now and love her blog. She is mum to two beautiful kids, an infant and a toddler. Suchitra writes about her adventures in parenting and living a multiracial life with her family. She is a a former Communications Studies Professor who is now a stay at home mum, reluctantly! Remember to check out her blog and to say hi to her on social media. Bloggers will want to know that Suchitra now runs a Linky called #BloggerBeatz. The linky runs from the 25th to the 27th of the month, so be sure to check it out!
This week on In Conversation With, Heather joins us. Heather writes an aptly named blog Very Anxious Mommy. I think it’s safe to say that we all go through moments of anxiety as we try to figure out how to be the best parent we can be and also cope with the usual disasters life can throw at us. Heather, is mum to two beautiful children, an advocate for breastfeeding and a stay at home mum. She is also open and honest in her blog about battling anxiety and depression and is genuinely an inspiration to all of us. Remember to check out her blog and to follow her on social media.